05 Jan 2017    16,252 views

Chuck Schumer Accidentally Tells America That Intelligence Community Is Full Of Vindictive Thugs

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Schumer’s on-air oopsie is an early contender for the most honest political statement of 2017.

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In a recent interview with Rachel Maddow, undead Democratic neocon Chuck Schumer took a short break from leeching the life essence of gelflings to say that Donald Trump is being “really dumb” to take an antagonistic approach to the US intelligence community, because “if you take on the intelligence community, they have six ways from Sunday to get back at you.” 

He actually said that. It came right out of the slit in his naked mole rat face, plain as day, in the King’s good English. 

Visibly taken aback with a transparent “Did you just say what I think you said?” look on her face, Maddow asked the new Senate Minority Leader what he thought the intelligence community would do to the President Elect if motivated, to which he replied, “I don’t know. From what I am told, they are very upset about how he has treated them and talked about them.”

Oh. My. God.

So to recap, America’s ruling Democratic Senator just looked right at the camera and said to MSNBC’s thirty-eight viewers that unless the soon-to-be President of the United States begins showing the intelligence community the respect they feel they are accorded, they will retaliate against him. Against the President. Of America.

I implore you to push through any cognitive dissonance you may be experiencing and fully grok into the fact that this just happened and all the implications thereof. This is a real thing that did happen, and it’s huge.

So in case you’ve been wondering who wears the pants in your government, it turns out it’s a highly secretive group of thin-skinned and hyper-vindictive unelected thugs with an extensive record of lying to the American people about everything from government surveillance to arms deals to torture to WMDs to, of course, assassination plots. The most powerful Democrat in the Legislative Branch of the federal government has inadvertently revealed that these people operate according to their own agendas and by their own codes of conduct, and if you cross them, they’ll hurt you. This is an extremely high-ranking US government official telling us this.

“If you take on the intelligence community, they have six ways from Sunday to get back at you.”

This is how it is, and this is how it has been. These almost entirely opaque organizations were not elected by the American people, nor, apparently, are they answerable to anyone the American people did elect, since they’ll exact revenge upon you if you step out of line. If they want to, oh I don’t know, deliver thousands of tons of weapons to known terrorist groups in Syria, for example, your vote has exactly zero influence on those actions, and, unless you manage to elect an official who is somehow protected from their vengeance, neither does anyone you voted for. They simply do as they please, according to Senator Schumer.

Schumer’s comments, which would be on the front page of every major news publication today if journalists still existed, came in response to a question about one of the President Elect’s latest snarky tweets ridiculing the intelligence community for taking too long with their presentation on the alleged Russian hacks. The new Senate Minority Leader could have criticized the tweet on the grounds of poor diplomacy, lack of patriotism, lack of maturity, or “excessive” “use” of “scare quotes,” but he didn’t. He said it would elicit vengeance.

Perhaps realizing too late that he’d put his foot in his mouth, Schumer then went on to rack his brain for some other reason to value the intelligence community, but all he could come up with was the very thing Trump (along with millions of other Americans) was expressing skepticism over in the first place. 

“Look at the Russian hacking!” Schumer ejaculated. “Without the intelligence community we wouldn’t have [very long pause] discovered it!”

Great, Chuck. Great example. These ridiculous circular reasoning loops are what happens when you live in an echo chamber.

“Look, Russia! Look, Trump! Look, Russia!” Like Dory on meth.

Or maybe like someone trapped in a horrible situation with a mafia-like organization breathing down your neck, making you say stuff against your will.

Chuck, if you’re reading this, and you’re in trouble and you need our help, next time you’re on C-SPAN selling off the nation’s valuables to the lowest bidder, rub your hands together, touch your nose three times and wink. It won’t look creepy, I promise. Not creepier than you usually look, anyway. 

You’re being asked to pull off some really high-level Orwellian doublethink now, America. You are now supposed to simultaneously believe that the intelligence community is a malicious but powerful shadow government that exacts revenge upon anyone who crosses them, and that Trump is a big bad meanie for disliking them. Good luck pulling that one off. 

Again, these are the same people that lied to congress and to the American people about NSA surveillance in 2013 and lied about weapons of mass destruction to support the evil and unforgivable Iraq invasion in 2003. These are the people everyone is supposed to unthinkingly obey, no longer because they’re purportedly reliable, but because they’ll hurt anyone who doesn’t. 

Let’s remember this one. His little on-camera oopsie was the single most honest moment in Chuck Schumer’s sleaze fest of a life, and there’s valuable information in there.




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