12 Dec 2016    2,864 views

If You Believe Anything The CIA Says, I Want Some Of What You’re Smoking

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Believing anything any U.S. intelligence agency says at this point is a sure sign of either delusion or intoxication.

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If you believe the anonymous CIA source who told the Washington Post that a “secret assessment” had determined that the Russian government actively worked to get Donald Trump elected, I would really like to try whatever fancy new drug you kids are smoking these days, because that sure seems like a hell of a trip. I’m well past my partying days, but if you’re able to make yourself believe that the CIA or any other U.S. “intelligence” agency is telling you the truth, I will pay you cold hard American dollars for whatever plant you are smoking, whatever pill you are popping, whatever household chemical you are huffing, or whatever exotic Amazonian amphibian you are licking in order to escape into whatever purple skies, candy unicorns, the-shooter-missed-and-hit-Yoko-instead reality you’ve chemically induced yourself into experiencing. 

I mean, we learned just over three years ago that James Clapper lied to the entire country about the NSA’s surveillance program. Three years! This literally just happened. There were already three seasons of Game of Thrones out by then. Americans can remember all those different names and houses and who cut what body part off of whom and who had sex with which lesbian zombie ice dragon but they can’t even remember that the head of intelligence just got done lying to them? 

I already thought people were dumb when it was Hillary’s bogus “seventeen different intelligence agencies” lie they were swallowing, but this is an anonymous source from the CI freakin’ A! The same people who not only lied about their use of torture, but who used torture to force a man into fabricating a story about Al Qaeda operatives receiving chemical weapons training from Iraq, which was then used as evidence in support of the Iraq invasion. The same people who hire known sadists to work with prisoners. The same people who’ve committed atrocity after atrocity and toppled democratically-elected leaders all over the world using covert operations and psy-ops. Psy-ops! It’s literally their job to deceive large groups of people, but you can’t throw a rock in coastal America right now without hitting some scarf-wearing liberal idiot waving around an insipid Washington Post article citing the CIA as a credible source of information for civilians.

Speaking of psy-ops, does anyone else think it’s extremely fishy that within the span of about 24 hours, a scary new NDAA propaganda Act was passed, Hillary Clinton started yammering about “fake news”, Obama ordered a full investigation into foreign election hacking, and the CIA started circulating a story about Russia trying to get Trump elected? That’s a four-punch mega combo in less time than it takes to digest a Snickers. There’s something really, really weird happening behind the scenes that they’re not letting us see.

Note also the clever use of the phrase "election hacking" or similar. Someone who isn't quite listening could quite conceivably come away thinking that Russia has been caught hacking voting machines. Keep an eye on that. It's weird little associations like that that had 70 percent of Americans believing that Saddam Hussein was responsible for 9/11 without any outlet actually ever attesting to that. 

Not that it’s unlikely that Russia tried to manipulate the election to get Trump; that’s entirely possible. Putin’s no girl scout himself and if you trust a former KGB agent any more than you trust the CIA you’re just as dumb as those Washington Post-thumping cultists. Putin not only might have tried to manipulate the U.S. election, he should have, out of simple self-interest. Any leader who isn’t clinically insane would prefer to avoid a president who’s promising to attack their nation as soon as she takes office. If you’re not doing everything you can to subvert a candidate who wants to start shooting down your planes over Syria as soon as she takes office, you’re doing something wrong. If the Kremlin didn’t try to manipulate the election, you may be sure that they at least wanted to.

But none of that changes the fact that (A) they have failed to produce any evidence at all of a conspiracy between WikiLeaks and Russia, and (B) even if Russian hackers were responsible for the leaks, all it did was show Americans the truth about their government, which is what every intellectually honest person is focusing on. As we’ve discussed before, none of the leaked documents (which knowledgeable insiders like Julian Assange and Craig Murray are saying didn’t come to WikiLeaks from Russia anyway) would have done any damage at all if the politicians involved weren’t such corrupt sacks of snake feces. People should be demanding transparency from U.S. politicians and integrity in U.S. elections as a result of the leaks, not shaking their fists at Russia like good little slaves. Whether Russia was involved or not should be a moot point for anyone except people whose job it is to defend politicians from hackers, because whoever leaked those documents did the American people a favor. 

Yeah, I said it. I’ll take it even further, too: whoever gave those documents to WikiLeaks has helped the American people more than Barack Obama ever has. Whoever leaked those documents has done more for America’s benefit than Hillary Clinton, John Podesta and their entire army of neoliberal stooges would ever have done in the next eight years. Whatever their intentions, the person or persons responsible for those leaks is functionally a greater hero and American patriot than any corporatist establishment crony, even if they’re Russian. I’m glad they did what they did, regardless of their reason for doing it, and I hope the American people don’t waste that gigantic window of truth they’ve been given.

Yes it's a real quote.

The CIA has three jobs: spying, lying, and keeping people potential whistleblowers afraid of dying in a mysterious weight lifting accident. None of those job requirements involve telling the truth to the American public. That's not how you wind up in that agency, that's not how you get promoted, and that's certainly not how you do business. Put down the crack pipe, take that hallucinogenic frog out of your mouth, stop mainlining ayahuasca, stop whatever you're doing that makes you think these are honest people and come back to the real world. It's a much stranger trip here anyway.




Thanks for for watching me self-sabotage any possibility of a career in mainstream journalism. If you enjoyed my act of career seppuku, please help me out by sharing it around, liking me on Facebook, following me on Twitter, or even tossing me some money on Patreon so I can keep calling it like I see it.